I have started quite a few blogs in my brief 25 years. This is the first I have hosted on a domain that isn’t through wordpress. (The first was bought by a spam bot @$$, hence me needing to add “the” in front of my name. Working on that…)
My life has changed almost completely in the last year. My mother died last September from alcohol and drug related liver failure. I adopted her two cats, and just five months ago I adopted a friend’s dog. I have started and ended a few relationships that were tumultuous and showed me that I am actually codependent, which I am now “in recovery” for. I tried living in a housing cooperative. I am now living alone in a two bedroom apartment because I am lucky little sh*t. Living alone is what I should have been doing this whole time. My second bedroom is completely full of my late mother and grandmother’s things.
Life is supposed to be chaos and suffering, right? I wouldn’t say mine has been that drastic, but the loss of my mother (my sun, if you will) really knocked me off my feet. Gravity has changed. Since then, I have been trying to take things one step, one unpacked box, and one day at a time. My more spiritual friends, as well as codependents anonymous, have encouraged me to “let go” and “surrender” to a higher power. I don’t buy it. At most I am an agnostic child of hippies. It’s a struggle.
That isn’t all though, oh no. I finally have an “adult” job where I am valued, free to work from anywhere, and feel pride in. Unrelated, I started painting and drawing a couple of months ago after a brief eight year block. Art has been incredibly helpful in grounding me and keeping me sane. My art has also been opening up doors of possibility for me that I didn’t know existed! I have been live painting at a few events, with more scheduled throughout the year. Now I am starting to dip my toes into the realm of performance art. I am/will be learning violin, singing, dancing, and acting. I have no idea how or why yet, but that little voice inside is saying “Go!”
There is always a lot changing in my life. I like to think of it as growth and opportunity. The point heading into this blog is to chronicle my life for others and myself so that my story and life can benefit others. After all, what is a performance without an audience? Rehearsal.