Cleaning and organizing in the fall is called “nesting,” and even though I am not pregnant, it is fitting. I have stayed home a lot as of late; not going out to the normal social/political events that I had previously committed to. I have pulled back from almost all of my commitments and honed in on only the ones that are the absolute most important at the moment: work, therapy, pets, and career. I see 1-2 friends irregularly on the weekends. I fore go any events that don’t directly contribute to my preparation for architecture grad school. I sign up for a GRE slot at 8:00am. I make sure I am getting enough food, exercise, and sunlight to recharge my serotonin. I take bubble baths and paint my nails fun colors that make me smile when I look down at my keyboard or while I am washing dishes. I am focusing on my nest so that I can once again fly out of it confidently.
Today I started to tackle the biggest stress room in my house – the extra bedroom where I have stored my late mother’s and grandmother’s things. I would like to start seriously working on my art and design again in preparation to apply to grad school in a couple of months. I had to literally make a path through all the stuff just to get to my art desk. I used to use this room as my art and yoga studio and home office. I shuffled my office to the kitchen table, yoga to my bedroom, and art to a tiny nook of a hallway. Then I infilled the spare room with childhood memories and the smell of my mother, along with some things of mine that I just didn’t quite want anymore.
I got to a point where I can use my art and design workspace again. I am really proud of myself for this since most of my things landed and stayed where they were after I moved out of my shared space with my ex in a flurry over a month ago. I breathed. I took some breaks. I talked myself encouragingly, dragging myself forward.
Now my living room is starting to run over with everything I want to get rid of. I am this (-) close to just taking everything to Goodwill and forgetting about it. If I wasn’t wanting to save and make every penny for grad school tuition I probably would. I am almost at the point where I need to have a garage sale. No estate sale yet. It’s the biggest things that are some of the hardest to part with – the paintings, books, and furniture that I remember growing up with which still smell like home.